This is not a feminist post, simply because I am not a feminist. I will, however, say what I have to say though.
Do not be surprised when I let my girlfriends know when they are being mistreated. Yes, I will tell them when they are in the wrong, but I will tell them their worthwhile doing so.
Marriage is a blessing when you find that one person you love. Compromise won’t even be compromise; you do things because you love your partner that much. I should know, I married the love of my life.
But, do not think I won’t tell my sisters that marriage is not an achievement and they are not any less of a person if they do not marry because… let’s be honest it really isn’t a milestone. It either happens (and is the best when it happens) or it doesn’t. And you can still be happy if it doesn’t. There is no point being unhappy so just live and be happy.
I am all for tradition and you will probably find me following some because that is how I was brought up. Call me a hypocrite if you will, but you will find me telling my daughter not to bow to this patriarchal society we live in. “Girl, do not conform unless it serves you! Be at peace with you.”
I love my parents, but don’t be shocked when I ask generations past why they had so many children whom they struggled to cater for. One could say they needed help in the fields or the odds of having a successful child among many was higher, making it worth a gamble. But I will ask my mothers’ whether their consent was asked or it was a no discussion thing. I will ask how they dealt with postpartum depression when the next child came way before they were over the last pregnancy.
I am African but I am female first.
So don’t be surprised if you see me telling any woman who will listen that these glass ceilings were made to be shattered and shatter they shall. In the same way the lady who drove the bus I took to town when I was little made me feel like I could conquer the world. Every glass ceiling shattered by an African woman will give others hope, hope to carry on and be more. To do more.
So, African woman, do what’s best for you.
This empowering episode was written by Sue Nyakubaya-Nhevera, is a Zimbabwean blogger, writer and poet. Find her works on THIS blog. Like, I literally write on this little space of the internet lol.
This is the nineth episode from Africans all over Africa writing about the things they’re expected to like, love or be as Africans, but they are not.
You can catch all the other episodes of the “I’m an African but…” blog chain started by Valentine Makoni and Bolaji Gelax on this blog. Dont hesitate to jump in and share your I Am African But… story!
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My best take from this is “…. I let my girlfriends know when they are being mistreated. Yes, I will tell them when they are in the wrong, but I will tell them their worthwhile doing so.” This is it. However, where you said, ‘ I am female first, I wish if you could rewind and be human first. ‘ United we stand, divided we fall. Yes, if someone is wrong, no sugar coating, either male or female, we all make real mistakes, we may also be driven by selfish ambition and all, but an ‘eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.’ In African Philosophy they say, ‘to be human is to belong.’ As we walk into marriage we need to remember that we now belong together. Marriage is Sweet, and it’s sweetness is usually realized by those, who go deeper than past mistakes, oeople who empathize, people of emotion, and passion, those who will give and take forgiveness, those who will admit when wrong, daring not to keep score, refusing to use the same weapons of the lost, those who get married unselfishly, and real people living in a real religio-philosophical-cultural, context of flowers, children adults, neighbors, trees and birds, smell and getting thirsty, tired, and all, those who will choose to walk hand in hand with another despite their faults. People with eyes that will see faults and chose to record them will enjoy this love-based union called marriage. I am blessed to have been married for close to 20 years now, and I am not in a contract, I am in a relationship, my lover is a part of me. I love passionately.
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I mean, Choose not to record faults!!
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